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    I'll Mature When I'm Dead: Dave Barry's Amazing Tales of Adulthood

    3.7 50

    by Dave Barry


    Paperback

    $16.00
    $16.00

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    • ISBN-13: 9780425238981
    • Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
    • Publication date: 04/05/2011
    • Pages: 288
    • Sales rank: 262,896
    • Product dimensions: 5.40(w) x 8.20(h) x 0.90(d)
    • Age Range: 18Years

    Dave Barry is a humor columnist. For 25 years he was a syndicated columnist whose work appeared in more than 500 newspapers in the United States and abroad. In 1988 he won the Pulitzer Prize for Commentary. Many people are still trying to figure out how this happened.

    Dave has also written a total of 25 books, although virtually none of them contain useful information. Two of his books were used as the basis for the CBS TV sitcom "Dave's World," in which Harry Anderson played a much taller version of Dave.

    Dave plays lead guitar in a literary rock band called the Rock Bottom Remainders, whose other members include Stephen King, Amy Tan, Ridley Pearson and Mitch Albom. They are not musically skilled, but they are extremely loud. Dave has also made many TV appearances, including one on the David Letterman show where he proved that it is possible to set fire to a pair of men's underpants with a Barbie doll.

    In his spare time, Dave is a candidate for president of the United States. If elected, his highest priority will be to seek the death penalty for whoever is responsible for making Americans install low-flow toilets.

    Dave lives in Miami, Florida, with his wife, Michelle, a sportswriter. He has a son, Rob, and a daughter, Sophie, neither of whom thinks he's funny.

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    Brief Biography

    Hometown:
    Miami, Florida
    Date of Birth:
    July 3, 1947
    Place of Birth:
    Armonk, New York
    Education:
    B.A. in English, Haverford College, 1969
    Website:
    http://www.davebarry.com

    Table of Contents

    Introduction xi

    The Elephant and the Dandelion: (A Defense of Men) 1

    If You Will Just Shut Up, I Can Explain: A Man Answers Questions from Women 15

    The Heart of Dadness: A Letter to a First-Time-Father-to-Be 31

    Dance Recital 45

    Technology 53

    Solving the Celebrity Problem 65

    Tips for Visiting Miami: No. 1: Are You Insane? 79

    Dog Ownership for Beginners 93

    My Hollywood Career: The Big Dumpster 105

    24: The Ultimate Script 127

    The Full Coward Package 157

    The Health-Care Crisis: Wash Your Hands After Reading This 167

    Colonoscopy 187

    A Practical, Workable Plan for Saving the Newspaper Business: I Sure Don't Have One 199

    Judaism for Christians 215

    Fangs of Endearment: A Vampire Novel 225

    A Festival of Grimness 253

    Father of the Groom 265

    What People are Saying About This

    P.J. O'Rourke

    We in the print media are seeing our world collapse around us. There aren't enough newspapers left to line the bottom of a canary cage. Magazines are thinner than my hair. And 'writing' is done only on Wii. But here's Dave Barry, flourishing like never before, with a book that's funnier than ever, greeted with clamorous demand by eager hordes of fans. Let's kill him.

    Steve Martin

    I'm am so please to have received an advance copy of Dave's book and use most of the material myself. He is truly the funniest man living in the 3 mile "safe" zone off the shores of America.

    Carl Hiaasen

    Despite years of medication, Dave Barry is still the funniest damn writer in the whole country. Let's hope he never grows up.

    From the Publisher

    "Despite years of medication, Dave Barry is still the funniest damn writer in the whole country. Let's hope he never grows up."
    -Carl Hiaasen

    "Dave Barry's best book so far, which is saying a lot."
    -P.J. O'Rourke

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    The New York Times bestseller from "the funniest man in America" (New York Times).

    Not everyone has to be dragged kicking and screaming through adulthood. Let Pulitzer Prize-winning humorist and nationally unrecognized voice of maturity Dave Barry make the journey a little easier—and a lot funnier—with his hilarious takes on parenting, changing self-image, the battle of the sexes, technology, health care, celebrityhood-and even vampires!

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    From the Publisher
    "Despite years of medication, Dave Barry is still the funniest damn writer in the whole country. Let's hope he never grows up."—Carl Hiaasen

    "Dave Barry's best book so far, which is saying a lot."—P.J. O'Rourke

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