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Love Me to Death

A Journalist's Memoir of the Hunt for Her Friend's Killer

OPEN ROAD INTEGRATED MEDIA

I remember clearly the day—it was over a dozen years ago—that I first heard the name Ricardo Caputo. The person who mentioned the name to me was a private detective who'd been hired to find out who had murdered a New York writer, a woman noted for philanthropy and social activism. The detective had been on the case for a year and a half, and on a February afternoon in 1985 he informed me that he at last knew the killer. It was Caputo.

I remember how relieved I was to hear the name. It didn't mean anything to me—any name would have done. And the feeling of relief didn't last long. In a few minutes, it would dissipate, then vanish altogether. But before I get to that, let me explain why I was at least momentarily relieved. It was because I'd known and admired Jacqui Bernard, the dead woman, and had long been hoping that the mystery of her death would be solved.

I'd even tried to solve it myself. Amateur sleuth that I was, after Jacqui was killed in the summer of 1983, I spent weeks interviewing people who might be able to shed light on her murder and published my findings, such as they were, in an article in New York magazine. At the time, I was relatively new to crime reporting. I was also shy, not the kind of person to whom asking questions of strangers came easily. Still, I managed to turn out a fairly decent piece of work about Jacqui, and because of this I'd gotten to know McEwan. He'd looked me up after my article appeared and we'd become friends of a sort. Phone pals, mostly, though occasionally we got together for a talk, a meal.

I enjoyed knowing him. Writing about Jacqui, I'd become obsessed with discovering who had killed her, and McEwan shared that obsession. Our reasons were different. He was on a job. I was just intensely curious. I think it was because Jacqui's murder had spoken to a particular fear of mine—and, I believe, of many women. She'd been killed not by a stranger but by someone she knew, someone who hadn't had to sneak into her home or force his way into her room. She had let her killer in. Or come home with him. She had been killed by an intimate.

I hadn't known this at first, and neither had the police. Indeed, at first they hadn't even believed that Jacqui had been murdered. Her body had been found by her sister and brother-in-law, who'd been expecting her for dinner. When she failed to show up, they went to her apartment to see if anything was wrong. They got a key from a member of the co-op board, let themselves in, and saw Jacqui lying facedown on her bed, her head leaning against a small velvet pillow. She didn't stir, and they realized she was dead.

Nothing suggested foul play. When the police arrived at the spacious co-op, they observed that it hadn't been broken into—not just the door but all the window locks were still intact. They noted, too, that the rooms showed no signs of disarray. No drawers had been dumped, no closets ransacked, and the bed on which the dead woman lay wasn't rumpled or disturbed. The only odd thing was that she was wearing a long-sleeved bathrobe—odd because it was an exceedingly hot night and her apartment had no air-conditioning. But strokes and cardiac arrests weren't altogether uncommon in women of Jacqui's age, which was sixty-two. Maybe, the police reasoned, she'd put on the robe because a sudden chill had presaged an incipient heart attack or stroke.

This view was shared by the medical examiner the police summoned to look over the body. The ME pronounced that Jacqui had died of natural causes.

But of what sort of natural cause? Jacqui's sister wanted to know if she'd been sick or had a coronary, and she asked to have an autopsy performed. The body was taken to the medical examiner's office, and one of the doctors there undertook the slow, careful examination of every inch of flesh and expanse of inner organ. Not long after this second medical examiner began his autopsy, he noticed something the original ME had not. Jacqui's larynx had been fractured. She had been strangled to death by someone with strong, deadly fingers.

It was at this point that Gordon McEwan had entered the picture. Having lost confidence in the police, Jacqui's sister had enlisted him to look into what had happened to her. He and his partner had gone to her apartment, searched the rooms, and found something, a clue—a yellow towel or bedspread, a close friend of Jacqui's told me—though exactly what the clue was and what its significance might be, I certainly didn't know. Not when I wrote my article. At that time, given that the cause of her death was a mystery and few facts about it were at my disposal, I wrote as much about Jacqui's life as about her death.

It had been a remarkable life. Although Jacqui's father was a French count, she'd been raised in America, where she had grown up to eschew the aristocratic and champion the rights of the disconsolate and disadvantaged. She'd co-founded the famous organization Parents Without Partners. She'd raised money for the historic black-voter-registration drive in Mississippi. She'd taught remedial reading and writing at a college designed to educate minority students. She'd done volunteer work for an association devoted to stopping human rights violations. She'd started a foundation to help illiterate Southern women record their oral histories, using her own money to fund the grants. And she'd published two well-received works of nonfiction, Voices From the Southwest, a collection of profiles of Native Americans, and Journey Toward Freedom, a biography of the black abolitionist and early feminist Sojourner Truth.

In the period before her death, Jacqui's interests had shifted toward Hispanic politics and culture. Just before her murder, she had joined an organization that supported the left-wing regime in Nicaragua and had spent two weeks in Cuba at a health conference.

Jacqui's passion for social action was paralleled by a tireless devotion to her friends. The divorced mother of one child, a son, Jacqui had never remarried, but instead she'd surrounded herself with friends, men and women alike, lavishing on them a maternal and inspirational affection. She'd had scores of friends, but she'd always been open to meeting just one more.

When I wrote my article about Jacqui, I interviewed people who'd known her far better and far longer than I had. A few of them feared, they told me, that her political activities might have had something to do with her death. But most were convinced that the motive for her killing was robbery: once her apartment was thoroughly searched, her purse and a gold watch were found to be missing.

One of Jacqui's best friends had a theory about who might have stolen these items and then killed Jacqui—but no name to attach to her theory. She informed me that Jacqui had recently mentioned she'd been dating a man she'd met in a local bar, a fellow who had thoroughly charmed her. "I think he killed her," her friend said. "It was probably just like in that book, Mr. Goodbar."

I still have the notes I took of that conversation: "She met a guy in the West End Cafe about six months ago. A young guy. Black or Hispanic. She said he was very attracted to her." And I can still remember thinking as I scribbled that Jacqui must have felt proud about garnering such a fellow's attentions, for although she was attractive, she was no longer young, no longer at an age when a woman hears with some regularity that this man or that finds her appealing. I expressed this thought to the woman who told me about the man in the West End Cafe, and she replied, prophetically it would turn out, "I keep wondering what sort of guy this fellow was. The kind of younger guy who really digs older women? Or just a con artist feeding her a line."

I was fascinated by this particular friend's information, though it was just a tidbit leading to an insight that went nowhere. Still, I kept thinking about it even after my article appeared, and I kept mulling over the other clues I'd gotten. Such as the long-sleeved robe. Why had she been wearing that on such a scorching night? And what about that yellow bedspread or towel? That had to be significant. Because when I'd mentioned it to the police, they'd refused to comment about it.

But no matter how I tried to arrange and rearrange the pieces of the puzzle, it was all to no avail. Jacqui's fate continued to elude me, and I continued to be obsessed with it.

And then Gordon McEwan called. He asked me if I'd heard anything more about Jacqui's killer since my article came out, and I said, no, I hadn't. "Well, you never know," he said. "You might. You journalists hear things."

I was flattered by his perception of me as a skilled investigator who might yet produce important leads, and when he added that he'd like us to get to know each other, just in case one day I did hear something that might prove useful, I cheerfully said I'd like that, too. Still, I thought he was talking in general terms, the equivalent of "Let's have lunch someday." But then he suggested, "Tomorrow?"

I speedily accepted. I'd never met a private eye before. Like most writers, despite the heady things I sometimes wrote about, I led a life that was essentially prosaic, populated by a husband and children and friends who did ordinary things—taught, counseled, labored at desks in busy offices. The idea of meeting a man who made his living by snooping intrigued me, partly because it seemed such an exotic way to earn one's livelihood and partly because, like all Americans, I'd grown up on books and movies about private eyes. Indeed I was sure, before I met McEwan the first time, that I knew just what to expect. I figured he'd be a rueful loner like Sam Spade, and that he'd speak in an oblique, tough American slang, like Philip Marlowe.

But McEwan wasn't like my collective vision of the private eye. For one thing, he was married and adored his wife and children, not to mention the huge collection of pets, of turtles and rabbits, snakes and ducks, he'd gathered for his family. For another, he was Scottish, and although, having been brought to the United States as a youngster, he did speak American slang, he spoke it with a lacing of the Queen's English and the hint of a lilting burr.

I liked him from the start. A well-built man who appeared to be in his mid-fifties, he was dressed in a suit and tie and had silvery hair, a taut-lipped smile, and sad, penetrating eyes that looked as if they'd seen many things their owner wished they hadn't. He was also sweet-natured, given to compliments. "I learned a lot about Jacqui from what you wrote," he said to me that first day. "You made her sound real special."

"She was," I said. "Feisty. Opinionated. But essentially a very giving person."

"Yeah. But of course, that was her undoing."

He launched then into a detective's view of personality. It was a view that took traits most of us think of as virtues and turned them around so that they came out as character flaws. I have since heard this view many times, from many other detectives, and have come to see some truth in it, but this was the first time, and it made me uneasy. "Your friend Jacqui was always befriending people. She was trusting. She was generous. She treated everybody equal. She acted the way religion and ethics tell us to. But you know, it really ain't smart. It gets you killed."

He was filled with other police theories that have since become familiar to me but which at the time were new and slightly perplexing. "Jacqui must have gotten herself involved with a psychopath," he said, "the kind of person—it could have been a man or a woman, but most likely it was a man—who's got no morality, no conscience. This one probably came on like a lost puppy. Told her he needed help, love."

How did he know? "Just a guess," he said. "A guess based on what we've found out about Jacqui. About her being bighearted."

He then went on to say something that sounded suspiciously like what is today called blaming the victim, and although I didn't know the phrase then, his words made me testy. "The psychopath chooses his victim," he said. "But the victim chooses him, too. Because she's got something in her that makes her willing."

"Willing to what?" I objected. "Bring about her own destruction?" I didn't believe, still don't, in that kind of ex post facto reasoning, though I'd heard it often enough from friends in thrall to inferior psychotherapists. But McEwan, as it turned out, didn't mean that Jacqui was self- destructive. "Take it easy," he said. "You're getting on the wrong trolley. I don't think your friend wanted to die. I'm just saying there's a kind of tango between victimizers and their victims. I'm just saying that in a lot of these cases, you find a man who wants someone he can take from, and a woman who wants someone she can give to. A nurturer. He picks her, but in a way, she's also choosing, fastening on to someone who fits her particular receptors."

Once I understood what he was saying, McEwan's explanation sounded right to me. Jacqui had been a nurturer. Her whole life had been about helping people she perceived as needy. "Got you," I said, and moved on to whether there were any suspects.

McEwan shook his head. "Nobody who panned out."

"What do you do next?"

"Sit back and wait."

Body taut, eyes sharp, he made it sound as if sitting back and waiting was an active, not a passive, endeavor, and I thought of asking him, wait for what? But I let the opportunity slip by, inquiring instead about the clue he'd found. I'd rehearsed that question from the moment we'd made our appointment. "Tell me what it was you found in Jacqui's apartment. The towel. Or was it a bedspread? The police would never tell me."

"The police?" he muttered disdainfully—though, as I would later find out, he'd been on the police force himself for more than twenty years before starting his investigative agency. "They wouldn't tell you because they didn't find it."

"What was it?"

"A bedspread. You want me to tell you about it?"

Something in his voice suggested that what he had to say was distressing, or at least that he wanted to be sure I could take being given the kind of information he was accustomed to imparting. I felt it so strongly that a part of me wanted to answer, no, forget it, but I knew I couldn't do that, not if I was ever going to succeed as a crime reporter. So I said, "Yes, what was so important about the bedspread?"

He told me. And afterward I was sorry, because I was never able to forget what he said or the picture it summoned up. "Me and my partner, John McGrath," he fired off, "went through Jacqui's place with a fine-tooth comb, opening all the closets and cupboards, looking at everything. And in a linen closet right next to the bed, we found this bedspread, a ribbed, light-colored spread, all rolled up. When we unrolled it, we saw it had feces on it. Jacqui's sister was in the other room, and I called out, 'Did Jacqui have a dog?' She said no. And we knew then what had happened. The killer had choked Jacqui and her bowels had let go, and he'd wiped her with the bedspread and dressed her in that long-sleeved, heavy robe she was found in."

I closed my eyes, but it didn't faze McEwan. He was too far into his story. Without any further prompting, he went on to explain why the bedspread mattered. He said it showed that the killer had some fastidiousness, some shame about leaving his victim lying in excrement. "That's also why he didn't leave her naked, why he dressed her in the robe. It's usually a sign that the killer knew his victim, had some sort of relationship with her."

Eyes open now, wide open, I burst out, "Could it have been the man she met in the West End Cafe?"

He shrugged. He'd heard that story, too. "Yeah. But who is that man? He could be anyone."

McEwan called me frequently over the next few months. "Heard anything?" he'd ask.

"No," I'd always say, and feel dejected. "How about you?"

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Excerpted from Love Me to Death by Linda Wolfe. Copyright © 1998 Linda Wolfe. Excerpted by permission of OPEN ROAD INTEGRATED MEDIA.
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