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Susan Forward, PhD, is an internationally renowned therapist, lecturer, and author. Her books include the number-one New York Times bestsellers Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them and Toxic Parents. In addition to her private practice, she has served as a therapist, instructor, and consultant in numerous Southern California psychiatric and medical facilities.
Mothers Who Can't Love: A Healing Guide for Daughters
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$11.99
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ISBN-13:
9780062204356
- Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
- Publication date: 10/01/2013
- Sold by: HARPERCOLLINS
- Format: eBook
- Pages: 304
- Sales rank: 68,680
- File size: 1 MB
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Bestselling author Susan Forward looks at the devastating impact unloving mothers have on their daughters and provides effective techniques for overcoming that painful legacy.
Over the course of thirty-five years as a therapist, Susan Forward has worked with a large number of women struggling to escape the emotional damage inflicted by the women who raised them. Subjected to years of criticism, competition, role reversal, smothering control, emotional neglect, and other forms of abuse, women raised by mothers who can't love are plagued by anxiety, depression, relationship problems, lack of confidence, and difficulties with trust.
But as Forward explains in Mothers Who Can't Love, it is possible to heal the mother wound and find help and validation. The many different kinds of unloving mothers—the narcissistic mother, the competitive mother, the overly enmeshed mother, the control freak, mothers who need mothering, and mothers who abuse or fail to protect their daughters from abuse—are all described in these pages. They each bring unique issues to the mother-daughter dynamic and need to be understood in order for healing to begin.
Filled with compelling case histories, Mothers Who Can't Love outlines the self-help techniques Forward has developed to transform the lives of her clients, showing women how to overcome the pain of their childhoods and act in their own best interests. Riveting and compassionate, this landmark book will give daughters the emotional support and tools they need to reclaim their confidence and self-respect so that the emotional destructiveness they grew up with does not constitute a legacy for future generations.
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"A mother's arms are made of tenderness and children sleep soundly in them." Victor Hugo's soothing words notwithstanding, millions of daughters grow into adulthood deprived of a sense of a mother's love. As this new book by therapist author Susan Forward (Toxic Parents; Emotional Blackmail) shows, unloving mothers don't leave simply an absence in an offspring's life; they leave a deep imprint of pain and damaged emotions. Forward's Mothers Who Can't Love offers a taxonomy of dysfunctional mothers and then explores techniques to heal their devastating effects on their daughters. A compassionate look at an unfortunately pervasive problem.
Publishers Weekly
08/12/2013In this powerful guide, Forward (Toxic Parents) offers a lifeline for those who have suffered through a dysfunctional relationship with a parent. After defining and describing the five most common types of abusive mothers (overly enmeshed; severely narcissistic; control freak; mothers who need mothering; and those who are physically and/or emotionally abusive) Forward gets to work showing adult daughters how to address the negative beliefs that grew from an unhealthy upbringing. With empathy, she assures those who suffer that the abuse is unequivocally not their fault and offers a series of exercises designed to reveal the truth of the situation, acknowledge the pain, learn to set boundaries, and break self-defeating patterns. In a particularly sensitive area, Forward addresses the issue of incest and mothers who have been complicit in such abuse, urging incest victims to seek professional therapy. While this title is labeled as a guide for women whose mothers are unable to love, its sound advice is applicable to persons of any gender. And while readers may be overwhelmed with painful memories at some junctures—an eventuality Forward expects and addresses—this book should be considered required reading for anyone who had an abusive childhood. (Oct.)
Janis Abrahms Spring
A riveting, compassionate guide to helping women transcend the wounds inflicted by their rejecting or abusive mothers.Carole H. Brower
Susan Forward has saved millions of lives with her profound wisdom that children raised by abusive parents need not “forgive and forget” to heal and move on to happy, healthy lives. . . . A powerful guide to self healing.Mira Kirshenbaum
I know so many women who will feel enormously grateful for Mothers Who Can’t Love, and rightly so. This thoughtful and thorough book will validate their feelings and their stories, and even more important will offer invaluable and empowering wisdom.Beverly Engel
Once again Susan Forward has identified an important issue that has been calling out for her expertise and unique perspective. This landmark book is powerful, accessible and extremely supportive - just what women need! Her case examples are riveting, her techniques are brilliant and her wisdom is poignant.Library Journal
★ 11/15/2013Therapist and author Forward (Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them) provides validation and support for women who have experienced criticism, competition, damaged trust, role reversal, and other wounding behaviors from their mothers. The book thoroughly describes the various personality types of unloving mothers: narcissists, overly enmeshed mothers, control freaks, those who need mothering themselves, and those who fail to protect their daughters from abuse. Forward validates the reader's feelings and presents effective coping mechanisms, offering suggestions on setting boundaries, negotiating for a better relationship, being assertive, and cutting off a parent entirely, if necessary. VERDICT Highly recommended for women looking to address problems with their mothers.
Kirkus Reviews
Therapist Forward (Toxic In-Laws: Loving Strategies for Protecting Your Marriage, 2001, etc.) explains how recognizing the reality of an abusive mother-daughter relationship is a necessary first step in dealing with psychological problems. The author dismisses the assertion that "giving birth makes [women] inherently capable of nurturing." Using anecdotal material, she illustrates different types of toxic mothering: a narcissistic, self-absorbed mother who insists on being the center of attention, deflates her daughter's accomplishments and is super-critical; or an "engulfing mother" who is "desperate, clinging and restrictive." Too often, a daughter cannot face the possibility that her mother does not love her and instead internalizes her mother's message that it is her shortcomings that are poisoning the relationship. "The smiles and good opinion of her all-powerful mother mean everything to the dependent daughter," she writes. Taking examples from her 35-year clinical practice, Forward shows different techniques for handling these toxic relationships when they persist into adulthood. Among these are confidence-building techniques to help daughters develop insight based on journaling--e.g., compiling one list that contains her mother's false assertions and comparing it to a counter list stating the truth, burning the first list and attaching the second to a balloon. The final step in the healing process is for the daughter to confront her mother directly with nonnegotiable demands about how their relationship must change and be prepared to sever it if these are not met. A crucial part of the process is confronting grief and anger as it arises. Professional help may or may not be necessary, depending on the circumstances. A useful challenge to accepted wisdom about the normally taboo subject of mother love, with helpful tips on how to jump-start the healing process.