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CHAPTER 1

The Myths of Bears

"In all that hardness and cruelty there is a knowledge to be gained, a necessary knowledge, acquired in the only way it can be, from close familiarity with the creatures hunted. A knowledge of blood, of sinew and gut; of the structure of joint and muscle, the shape of the skull, the angularity, the sharpness or roundness of nose and ears and lips and teeth. There is passion in the hand that pulls the pelt and strokes the fur, confident that it knows as second nature all the hinges and recesses of the animal body. But however close that familiarity, something is always withheld; the life of the animal remains other and beyond, never completely yielding all that it is."

— John Haines, The Stars, the Snow, the Fire

1

Trapper is so old and tired that every August he just sits in the sun in front of his cabin with his head bowed, trying to gather up the last of it. A week of heat left, and then each day after will be cooler. He sits with his arms spread and tries to gather it all in, absorbing the vitamin D. Everything is draining from him. He used to love winter the most; now he tries only to stagger from August to August, crossing the months like steppingstones across a dangerous river.

Maybe the breadth of time he's spent in the woods turned Trapper's mind: his need to be versatile, to change with the seasons. Or maybe it's the absence of cities, towns, or villages. It wasn't something, though, that human contact could stave off in him, or else his wife would have kept it at bay. He wants her back worse than he ever wanted a pelt. Judith has been gone now almost a year.

She broke through the cabin's small window on a January night during the wolf moon when Trapper was having one of his fits. At such times something wild enters him. Trapper is as pale as a snow lion. Judith came from Tucson, and was still brown ten years after she left. It was as though in Arizona she'd stored a lifetime of sun.

Judith has curved feet, like flippers. She's six feet tall (Trapper is five- nine), and her shoe size is thirteen. Judith gets around in the snow well; the inward curve of her feet makes it so she doesn't need snowshoes.

In Trapper's nighttime fits, he imagines that he is a wolf, and that the other wolves in his pack have suddenly turned against him and set upon him with their teeth; he's roused in bed to snarl and snap at everything in sight.

And then there are the daytime fits, when he imagines he has become someone else, in the manner of a snowshoe hare or ptarmigan, whose coat changes color with the seasons, and the deer and caribou, whose habits change; or the bear, who goes to sleep, falling down into that deep, silent place, beneath a dozen feet of snow, by January, where his brave heart beats once a minute — where everything's very, very slow ...

When Trapper would get that way — changed — he would turn to Judith and begin speaking in the third person, as if neither he nor she were there.

His eyes wouldn't blink as he turned slowly to her to say, "Trapper says there is a storm coming," or, "Trapper says there are too many wolves in the woods," or, increasingly, "Trapper says he doesn't feel good."

Judith hated to leave him like that. When Trapper held his hands out in front of him they shook like leaves, and he was only thirty-five years old. Maybe his body would live forever, but his mind was going, and Judith was too smart to ride it to the end.

He had also begun to shake as he set his traps, fumbling with and bumping the hair triggers. Increasingly, he'd arrive home with crushed fingers.

"Trapper says he doesn't know what's happening," he'd say, and Judith's heart would flood away from her like loose water. She'd feel wicked about it, but she was changing, too — she could hear the distance calling her some nights, could see the northern lights whooshing and crackling so close as to seem just over the next ridge. She'd want to leave right then, right there. The northern lights, or something, were calling her name. Judith stayed as watchful in bed as a cat, never sleeping now as the lights sprayed green and red beams across the dark sky: she was waiting, waiting for one more wolf fit. When it finally came, she would be up and through that small glass window.

*
Judith cut herself breaking through it — Trapper had barred the door to keep trouble out, she knew, though as Trapper grew sicker Judith had begun to imagine it was to keep her in — and he'd been able to track her a ways, following her blood. Howling as he went, he sounded like a wolf in his sadness. But Trapper had had to stop to pull on his snowshoes at their place by the door and in this span of time Judith drew still farther away from him. She had the advantage of speed, and she knew where she was going — up and over that northern ridge — while Trapper had to pause, going from track to track, blood spot to blood spot. A heavy snow was beginning to fall through the trees as if trying to wash away the moon, and Judith ran for the ridge with her fifty- yard head start, and then it was a hundred yards; Judith was crying, and tears were freezing on her cheek, but she knew she was now about two hundred and fifty yards away from him. She could barely hear his howls.

She crossed a creek, soaking her boots up over the ankle; she gasped, and clambered to the other side, and started up the ridge. He was the only one who had ever really loved her — her — with her big crooked feet. Faintly she could still hear him.

Her feet were numb from the creek but she moved on, the quick falling snow covering her tracks.

When Judith got up to the ridge, his howls were gone. She considered howling once, to let him know she was — what? all right? not angry? sad? — but instead she turned and went down the ridge, catching herself on the trunks of the trees when she tripped.

Judith ran all night to stay warm, floundering, heading for the north. She knew he'd figure she was headed to a town.

It was true she'd be safe in a town, because Trapper would never enter one to look for her, but he might go so far as to hang around on the outskirts, like an old lobo skulking around a campfire.

Judith didn't miss the desert. Sometimes she did — in the spring usually — but right now she was thrilled to be half running, half swimming through rich deep snow. The sadness of her leaving him being transformed into the joy of freedom, and the joy of flight, too.

She imagined the sleeping bears beneath her. Her Uncle Harm had raised her in the desert outside Tucson and then she had taken up with Trapper when both she and Trapper were eighteen. Uncle Harm had been an old trapper and hunter and had tried to teach Trapper some things, but had not been entirely successful.

Another year and Judith and Trapper would've spent half their lives together.

It was delicious to swim through the snow.

The blizzard was a sign that she was meant to escape. A fool could have followed the swath of her tracks under normal conditions, but these weren't normal conditions. This was the first night of her life.

It wasn't about babies, or towns, or quilting bees. Domesticity. It wasn't about flowers, or about the desert in spring. It might not have even been about his snarling fits, or his lonely, flat-eyed, "Trapper says" fits.

It was about those red and green rods streaking through the sky.

He was gone, Judith knew. It would be a luxury to feel sad about it. He'd been gone for years. If he'd been a deer or moose, elk or caribou — if he'd been prey instead of predator — something would have noticed his odd demeanor, his slowing step — that trembling — and would have singled him out and brought him down.

Judith slept at the base of a giant fire-hollowed cedar for a short time before dawn. She took off her leather boots, socks, and leggings and tucked them between her body and clothes to dry. She half dozed with her hands around her naked feet, trying to warm and dry them. The cedar jungle where she had stopped offered shelter against much of the snow and wind; it was the place where the deer had taken refuge, too. They'd been living in the tangle of cedars for several weeks, ever since the storms had started, shedding their antlers and milling together for warmth. Great curved antlers lay scattered all around her; they were being covered quickly with skiffs of snow — the drifts weren't as deep, back in the cedars — and Judith could feel the deer watching her. She dreamed that she could feel the warmth of their breath as they moved slowly over to investigate. Her coat and pants were made of deer hide, deer that Trapper had shot for her to skin and sew into garments.

Judith slept as the deer circled and sniffed her and looked at one another in the deep night and waited out the storm.

The wolves would notice his odd gait, Judith dreamed. If Trapper tried to follow her too far in his condition — his sleepwalking — the wolves would get him.

Spring, even the hint of it, was still three months away.

She dreamed of Tucson, holding her cold toes in her hands: rubbing them in her sleep.

It was still snowing outside of the cedar jungle, when her shivering woke her in the early light. Judith considered whether she would forever after this night associate guilt with cold. She could see the tracks of deer around her where they had come in the night; she could see those places where they had stopped to sniff and identify her. They had touched her, she knew, with their noses: they had given her her identity.

It is not that he is a bad man, or that I am a bad woman, she thought. It's just that he is a predator, and I am prey. It is the way of nature for our lives to be associated, even intertwined, for a long while. But now if I am to survive, I have to run. It has nothing to do with him. It used to; but now, suddenly that I'm free, it doesn't.

It is so sad, she thought; but even as she was thinking this, she was pulling on her damp socks, her damp boots and leggings, and dusting the snow from her clothes and rising stiffly, her legs as bow-legged from the cold as the curve of her big sorrowful feet. She stared at the deer's delicate tracks.

He is gone, Judith told herself again. I am not running from him anymore, I am running from his death.

Trapper is gone.

She looked up the next ridge, into the wind-and-north-stunted alpine fir; a little farther north, she knew, there would be tundra. She definitely did not want to leave the woods.

No, she remembered then, I am no longer running from anything. I am running to something.

Her feet were hurting, which was good; the blood was returning. Judith limped down a game trail. Snow continued to fall. Her long yellow hair shrouded her neck and face and kept the snow out. It was too cold for the snow to melt. Trapper used to brush her hair every night; brush it and then wash it. Already she missed his broken-fingered hands.

"Trapper is gone," she repeated out loud, as she trudged up the trail. Later in the day, she would find a gaunt-ribbed deer dying in the cedar jungle, starving, and she would chase it a short distance — the deer falling and floundering, crazy-legged, unable to go on — and she would kill it by cutting its throat with her knife.

Judith drank the blood from the cut throat, but only after the deer was dead and its eyes were turning waxy blue, its soul rising into the trees.

Then the liver, still hot; steam rising from it as she cut it free. Then the blood that was sloshing around inside the body cavity. Judith washed the blood from her face with handfuls of snow; skinned the deer quickly while it was still warm, before it could freeze, and cut the meat from the shoulders and hamstrings and wrapped it up in the congealed hide. Tied it to her back.

Judith felt the woods wrapping her, taking care of her in her sorrow, and she thanked the woods every step of the way for giving her a deer. She felt embraced. Judith knew this was how her Uncle Harm — the one who'd taught Trapper certain things, though not everything — used to feel, because he'd talked about it often, back in Arizona.

Deer stood aside, too cold to run, and watched her pass.

*
Judith felt badly: not knowing why she was moving, only that she must. Grizzlies will travel thirty miles in a night, she knew, to get to a good acorn crop. Deer and elk will leave a mountain, will come down off the highest peak and into the river bottoms in advance of a storm, in only a matter of hours. But Judith was not entirely sure why she was traveling, and why she was moving north, into the winter, rather than away from it.

It had been a hundred and six degrees on the day she was born. But she'd gotten used to the cold. It wasn't that different from the heat. Both were things that got your attention.

Maybe it was as simple as the feeling that if she went south, it would be like running away; but if she went north, it would just be running.

*
Trapper hunted her for four days and nights, making concentric circles around his cabin, trying to pick up her sign: making the circles larger and larger; calling her name and crying and howling. Chasing the game off: ruining his season.

Betrayed; abandoned. He'd thought she was tame. He'd not understood she was the wildest, most fluttering thing in the woods.

He thinks, Next time when I get her back, I will keep her tied up even tighter. I will tie her with rawhide to a stake in the front yard.

He thinks, She didn't love me enough. Maybe she even hated me. But what about all those good times in Tucson? And up here?

I will make her love me more, he thinks, wandering his woods, casting for scent, trembling, like an old dog. He hunts for her harder than he ever hunted for any grizzly or wolf, fisher or marten. He abandons his traps, forgets where he's hung them.

Martens dangle from the trunks of trees, a rear leg snapped, broken by the snap of the trap's jaws. At first the martens scramble and chatter to get free, but over time their movements become slower. They hang like small shawls against the tree trunks, snow catching on their fur, and the traps, rusting ...

If Judith had heard Trapper cry like a child she probably would have gone back to him and stayed until he got better, or didn't. But some instinct told her to go all the way up to the edge of the forest: to winter away from him in a place where she could not be lured back.

Maybe in the spring, Judith thought, she'd ease back and spy on his cabin. See if he had made it or not. See if he'd survived or if he was bones.

Forty, fifty, fifty-five below. She can't build a fire, or he'll find her. She left in such a hurry. She builds a snow cave in the cedar jungles; makes a coat of her deer hide, but still she's cold, even with two coats. She doesn't dare build a fire. Even mind-sick, Trapper can smell smoke at a hundred miles.

Such is her fear, and the word beyond fear: longing.

*
Trapper sleeps with the window open — the one she crashed through — to punish himself for letting her escape. He knows she's not building fires. He'd smell them. If he could just find where she is, he could begin setting traps for her, but he has no idea whether she is east or west or north or south of him. He feels trapped by his ignorance, and thrashes around on his bed at night and moans and howls. His trap-cracked fingers surge with pain; they've been frostbitten so many times that each new time they freeze, he's sure he'll lose them, that this time the blood won't return, and what good is a trapper without fingers, without hands? He'd be no better than a bear, with nothing but paws.

Trapper remembers the big grizzly he killed down in the Gila desert, back in the nineties. Its tracks were thirteen inches by eleven inches — the bear's feet as long as Judith's, but so very much wider — and Trapper remembers how the bear dragged Trapper's chain and trap twelve miles up into the mountains, and into a cave. Trapper had nailed the trap and chain to a twelve- foot timber, and he followed the swath the bear made as he fled. October. Buzzards shadowed the bear, knowing what was coming. It was easy for Trapper to follow the bear at a dead run, as there were the birds to look to. The trail itself was like the wake of a canoe. Trapper has never owned a horse: he despises and distrusts anything stronger than he is.

As Trapper's shakes set in, Judith grew that way: stronger than he was. He still had his strength, but when he was trembling, it was of little use; he'd drop things. He'd have to ask her for help. The glimmer of reasoning that this might have frightened her as badly as it frightened him glows in his mind, and then fades. He's remembering this bear in the Gila.

You must tie a drag to the trap for them to run with, one which will only slow them down. If you tie the chain too tight, with no hope of escape, the bear or wolf will chew its damn leg off, to get away.

(Continues…)

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Excerpted from "The Sky, the Stars, the Wilderness"
by .
Copyright © 1997 Rick Bass.
Excerpted by permission of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company.
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.

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