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Chapter 7

Getting Ready for the Journey

Seek and ye shall find. The quote is as old as time it seems, but still bears weight and significance. The search for healthy self-esteem can be a long and treacherous road. It can also be a road filled with unparalleled pleasures, unique surprises, and an outcome that will take your breath away.

Developing A Positive Mind-Set for Healthy Self-Esteem

Negative self-talk, previously discussed, is the little voice in your head tells you that you can't, that you're not good enough, that you aren't smart enough, that you can't succeed, that you're ugly, fragile, weak, and fearful. The voice must be stopped. The voice must be silenced if your self-esteem is to ever flower.
You are the only person on earth who can stop negative self-talk, the inner critic. No friend, family member, co-worker, or advocate can stop the voice because it is in your mind. It is there haunting you with pathological statements that cause great damage. A positive mind-set will remain elusive until the voice is silenced.

Voice of the Critic

Your inner critic or negative self-talk is a direct consequence of your unhealthy self-esteem. Everyone has an inner critic, but people with unhealthy self-esteem are more likely to give the critic validation. Your negative self-talk damages your ability to function in many ways, most specifically; it damages your ability to take constructive criticism without suffering a complete meltdown. It clouds your ability to learn from your mistakes. It limits your growth possibility because it continually tells you that you are not worthy of growth or change. It continually compares you to others that it perceives a better, smarter, kinder, prettier, etc, etc, etc. The voice incapacitates you with "You should haves…" You've heard them all, "You should have been more loving," "You should have been more forceful," "You should have exercised more," "You should have studied more in school." The "Shoulds" are the primary ally of your negative self-talk.

"Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself, but do not relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you." Stewart White

The voice is a powerful force and a pollutant in your life. Sometimes, it is more powerful than your own voice or the voice of those who love and support you. However, you can learn to make the voice stop, or at least learn how to tune out the voice so that it does not exterminate your ability to have healthy self-esteem.